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September 7, 2008 |
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01. This Is Who We Are
02. We Are So Last Year
03. Language Lessons
04. Pens And Needles
05. Saying Sorry
06. Dead In The Water
07. I Am On Your Side
08. Breathing In Sequence
09. Light Sleeper
10. Cross Me Off Your List
11. Where Can I Stab Myself In The Ears
12. Decembers
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I would like to thank Victory Records for yet another wholesome, family friendly batch of angst-addled, depressed, spoiled teenagers spewing out the bile and absolutely talent-barren cacophony of whiny nonsense that will be forever known as the hemorrhoid on the arse of music: Emo. This record company is almost single-handedly responsible for this trendy plague of aural accompaniment for the oh-so-depressed and misunderstood anti-social socialites that plague today's school and mall systems, and although the entire Emo mentality is ridiculous and laughable in and of itself, what's even more despicable is that a record label encourages this sewage; and in massive volume, no less.
And how much more of this do we have to take? I realize this sound and delusional downtrodden state of mind is yet another trend, a passing phase, and it will soon be replaced with another empty, irrelevant slew of musical invalids peddling whatever over-exaggerated emotion happens to be selling to the kiddies at the moment, but I say bring it on and make it snappy because this dead horse has got to go!
How much longer can we be expected to maintain our sanity when faced with such cheesy lyrics as "Let's write our names with the blood that's in our cheeks so it won't wash away if I don't come home for weeks"? Like, omigawd - HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS, the razor sharp passion of your words cut into my dark and tortured soul like the malignant torment of pain and rejection that I call life. Ok, I think I'll go hang out at the mall now and contemplate mortality with my friends. On the way there I can absorb the dark brilliance and haunting imagery of your songs, like "Where Can I Stab Myself In The Ears", "Pens And Needles" and "We Are So Last Year", and even though every single song you do sounds absolutely identical, I shall marvel at your originality in choosing to be yet another irrelevance in the diarrheic legacy of the Emo scene.
And normally crystal clear production is an asset to an album, but in cases like "If Only You Were Lonely" it just means you get to hear every nasally whine, every redundant bar chord strum and every repetitive snare rhythm in sickening clarity. But if there is one good thing about HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS, it's that they wrote all the songs by themselves. I mean, it's not like they're some assembly line, mass produced modern day post-pop boy band whose producer helped write the song arrangements for, right? Oh wait, he did? My bad.
All I can say after listening to "If Only You Were Lonely" from start to finish is that I feel like Rocky Balboa after going 15 rounds with Apollo Creed: I'm bruised, I'm bloody, I'm disoriented, stumbling and speaking with a generic Italian accent, but I made it somehow. "Yo, Adrian!" But seriously folks - heavy sarcasm aside, please stop buying this stuff. It's just another breed of corporate manufactured Pop-Rock with no redeeming musical value; it bears no distinction and detracts from more honest forms of rock and metal just by the sheer audacity of trying to associate with them. There are tens of thousands of bands out there sweating their talent through sincere musical expression out of sheer devotion to their art, while bands like HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS flicker fleetingly in front of the spotlight and snare some cash to further oppress their already mistreated and neglected egos before plummeting into the abyss of absolute obscurity. This has got to stop, peoples! Please - for the sake of art and sheer sanity - buy REAL Metal! This public service announcement has been brought to you by the Metal-loyal masses at METALEATER.com.
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