Much like the Elder Gods in the Necronomicon, '80s Metal never died. Instead it slept deep within the bowels of the earth, waiting for some dumb teenagers in the woods to recite the right incantation to awaken its unearthly slumber. Only then could it conquer the earth with its zombie minions. The undead invasion has already claimed Finland, where LORDI are national heroes for winning the Eurovision competition. They have their own restaurant, their own soft drink, their own credit cards, even their own movie deal. It's a level of synergistic marketing that would make Gene Simmons drool. But forget all that. How do they sound?

If you're banking on a GWAR comparison, you lose. Instead, lock all of '80s Rock inside a horror movie convention, run an "Evil Dead" marathon, and let them raid the masks exhibit. You can't find a simpler - or more fun - premise than this. If there's any justice in this world, Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell heard "Deadite Girls Gone Wild" and split their sides laughing. With North America next, a small band of frightened soldiers (ie, music critics) have armed themselves against the impending zombie apocalypse. Among their arsenal are words like "clichéd," "cheesy," and "cartoony". All are true, and all completely miss the point. Tongues are firmly in LORDI'S cheeks on "The Arockalypse", although exactly whose tongues they are is another story.

Take their fist pumping mission statement, "Bringing Back The Balls to Rock". After dropping countless references to their heroes, the band throw in a cowbell solo, and not because Christopher Walken had a fever. It's a big middle finger to critics- Just TRY to take this seriously. Part two is their Eurovision winner "Hard Rock Hallelujah", which answers a question everyone's asked at some point: "What if ALICE COOPER wrote 'Phantom Of The Opera' instead of Andrew Lloyd Webber"?

A good shtick and a sense of the absurd gets people's attention, but LORDI also offer hook after bloody hook. "It Snows In Hell" is DEF LEPPARD'S "Love Bites" and frozen GUNS 'N ROSES "November Rain", "Chainsaw Buffet" is dinner music for a Leatherface family reunion, and "Good To Be Bad" swipes keyboards from SURVIVOR, or maybe CHILDREN OF BODOM and NIGHTWISH. Members of KISS, TWISTED SISTER, and ACCEPT all join the Halloween party too - telling where would spoil the surprise, but Udo Dirkschneider fans will enjoy "They Only Come Out At Night".

Of course, to celebrate LORDI'S big death march across the globe, "The Arockalypse: Special Edition" comes with three bonus tracks: Two b-sides and a re-recording of an earlier hit "Would You Love A Monster Man". While it's always nice when North America gets bonus tracks, sometimes less is better. The re-recording is pointless if you've heard the original, even if it is the most absurd love song not performed by MEAT LOAF, and there's usually a reason b-sides don't make it onto the album. Fortunately these tracks come at the end, so you can just switch off after "Supermonstars" and not miss a thing.

Maybe one day you'll rejoin the living and wonder what the hell you were thinking. One does wonder where LORDI will go from here once the gimmick loses its novelty. (Tip for the band - a concept album about Freddy Kreuger would rock.) But even if LORDI wear out their welcome, "The Arockalypse" will remain a guilty pleasure on par with the best '80s bands.